In A Perfect World
by TheKittyCatEvolved
Summary: BEWARE! MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THE MAIN STORY LINE! You have been warned. In a world where nothing is sacred, Ray loses the one person she couldn't afford to let go of. Rated M to be safe.


_Ray stepped through the doorway and froze. Time seemed to lap around her, the tides of an ominous sea. Her breath was snatched out of her lungs, and her calloused fingers gripped the door frame in desperation._ _In that moment, she wished she had died at the Prydwen. She wished she had died long before she had come here – to the Institute. She wished she had died so she wouldn't have had to see what was happening before her._

 _All the while he lay there, looking at her, her son, her Shaun. It occurred to her that in a perfect world he would never have had to see her that way. All worn, and beaten and tattered, with her face ripped in half and traces of blood still dotting her collar._ _But this wasn't a perfect world, because there he was,_ her _Shaun, suspended by tubes and hideous medical equipment that invaded his body. There he was, his skin having seen the wear of decades she had yet to endure. Wrinkled, grey, pale._

 _It wasn't a perfect world, because in a perfect world, Ray never would have lived long enough to see her son die._

* * *

"D-director?" Allie Filmore paused at the door, uncertain. "Ray- "

She took a few tentative steps forward, and found herself at the doorway to the bedroom. Worry lines creased her face as she peered through, finding the woman's sorrowful frame propped up crookedly against the corner wall.

"Ray, I am truly sorry for your loss." Allie said soothingly, not at all fazed when Ray did not bother to glance up. "Really, I cannot imagine what it must be like for you. He… he meant a lot to me, but Shaun was… well... he was your son."

Ray's head remained cast downwards, her bedraggled hair concealing her face. She did not move, did not seem to breath, and Allie had the sudden alarming thought that Ray was dead. Allie made to move forward, when Ray spoke.

"Don't try to understand me." Allie jumped. Ray's voice was raspy, broken, like granite against metal. "Allie, don't try to understand me, ever, and don't you… don't you _ever_ try to pretend that you knew what he meant to me Allie, because you _don't_."

Icy silence filled the room, and Allie stood rigidly at the doorway, unsure how to proceed.

"Tell me, then." Allie almost regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth, but when Ray's head twitched upward, she continued. "Ray, tell me then, help me understand – what Shaun meant to you. Tell me, please."

Ray raised her head, and through her straggly locks of auburn hair Allie saw her bloodshot eyes. A jagged scar ran across Ray's face, prominent and hideous. Meeting her eyes had always been a little startling, because of the intensity behind them. But that wasn't the only reason – it was another reason altogether that, especially in the wake of Father's death, made Ray's stare much more startling than it could ever be. Ray's eyes were a dark green - they had a clarity that could not be deceived, a knowing that could not be manipulated.

When Allie looked at Ray, she saw the eyes of Father - of Shaun.

* * *

" _Mother." His voice was frail and weak, hanging limply onto its warmth. But the tinge of sadness was unmistakable, and it was there, and it scared her._

No. _Her fingernails dug harshly into the door frame, and her jaw clamped shut. Nononono, she thought – I_ _should be the one on the bed, old and dying. I should be the one with the frail voice and hopeless stare. Me, not him, he should be... alive… here… healthy..._ young _…_

 _So much time, wasted._

" _S-shaun…" Her voice cracked, and her limbs had begun to quiver. Possessed by a sudden urgency, she strode forward, taking his hand in hers. "S-shaun…!"_

" _It's alright, mother." A tired smile stretched over his wizened eyes. Liquid warmth streamed down her face, and it shouldn't have been. It should have been her reassuring him, it should have been Ray protecting Shaun, but it wasn't._

 _Everything, so warped and twisted._

" _Are you… are you in pain?" Her lips trembled, and she struggled to maintain the volume of her voice._

" _A little." He murmured. "Please, mother, sit."_

 _She nodded, dragging a chair over to sit by him. They just sat there for a bit, letting each other's company cocoon each other. Yet she should have said more, because there was so much she wished to say. Her eyes gripped his face possessively. He had Nate's nose, his cheekbones, chin – but Shaun's eyes were hers._

 _Shaun stared into her eyes, and that warm smile spread across his face once more, and the words stuck on her tongue. She swallowed them as he gently squeezed her hand, and she knew that she need not say any more._

 _Because Shaun knew. She did not know how - but he did._

* * *

Ray lifted her head, and met Allie's eyes from across the room. They were mud brown and underwhelming – in some lucid part of Ray's brain she knew the person standing there would be Allie. Yet somehow, she had expected to meet Shaun's eyes, and find him standing there. Alive, happy, whole… but…

It was only Allie Filmore, and her gaze was determined.

"Shaun…" His name slipped of Ray's tongue, bittersweet. "He was _everything_."

* * *

" _You're… you're dying, aren't you?"_

 _Ray looked to him, hoping desperately for his reassurance, feeling pathetic for not being able to offer him hers._

" _Are you sure there isn't another treatment… please… Shaun… are you sure?" Her voice collapsed and faded to nothing. She felt his weak pulse humming against her fingers, and she wrapped her free hand around his – his hand that dwarfed hers. It shouldn't have been._

" _There is no other. Believe me, I have tried." He told her simply. "But, it is alright, I think."_

" _S-shaun? How… how could you say that?"_

 _He smiled at her, the ray of sunshine through her tears. The ray of sunshine that was slowly fading away._

" _I have lived a good life." He whispered. "I have lived a good life, in the Institute. I know you might not believe it, but… the Institute saved me, mother, when they pulled me from that Vault."_

 _He coughed, wheezing as he fought for breath. Her heart froze, fearing, but he regained his composure and smiled at her._

" _They saved us, mother." He told her, his eyes so clear and certain for a moment she believed it too._

* * *

Allie said nothing, and Ray could not help the words falling from her lips, the deed done, the dam cracked, the water overflowing.

"I never had a family that cared for me. My mother… she was everything a mother shouldn't be." Ray laughed bitterly. "My father, I never knew. I never had anything, you see, Allie? I lived for _nothing_ … until I found Nate…and he…"

Ray closed her eyes and saw him, her beloved husband, smiling at her from the end of the aisle. The pianist was playing the Wedding March, and for the love of the world she could not remember his name – because in that memory Nate was all that mattered, and he was there, so real, bright and smiling. It thrilled her to think that she – Rayenna Wolfe – could ever make anyone that happy. The guests themselves seemed mere decoration – their clothing so blindingly colorful, and the world was so full of hues – the grass was strikingly green, the sky the clearest blue, like Nate's eyes…

"Nate gave me everything." Tears were running freely down her face now. "You hear me, Allie? _Everything!_ He gave me love, a house… and… he gave me _Shaun_ …"

* * *

" _Shaun." She whispered. "I need to tell you… there's so much I need to say… about... what you mean to me- "_

" _Hush." He stroked her fingers feebly. "Mother, I know. I… spent so long wondering what you were like growing up, and now… now that I've finally found you, and that I know you…"_

 _Ray let out a strangled sob, reaching over to stroke his withered face. She brushed back his hair from his forehead, like a mother should._

" _I'm glad I met you, Shaun." Ray told him, finishing his thought for him, caressing his forehead lovingly. Her voice was no longer hysterical, but sad – defeated._

 _Shaun nodded, some of the burden dropping of his features. "I am glad… also…" His eyelids drooped lazily, and he smiled again at her. "Mother, I think…"_

" _Yes Shaun?"_

" _I think…I think I'd like to go to sleep now."_

 _Ray bit the inside of her cheek, and her eyes fluttered closed. "A-alright, Shaun..."_

* * *

Allie stared sullenly at Ray as she stumbled on, finally beginning to understand.

"Then the world was plunged under nuclear fire, and the life we built was gone. But, I still had Nate, I thought… but that man, Kellogg, killed him. But I still had Shaun... he was the _only_ thing I had left... ...and then… "

* * *

 _She pulled herself closer to him and ran her fingers gently through his hair. His eyelids slid closed, and Ray hummed to him as he sighed blissfully._

" _Thank you, mother." He said faintly, and he let out a shaky breath._

 _It was only then that she thought to say it._

" _I-I love you, Shaun." Tears ran from her eyes, and she knew it was one of the few truths she had ever uttered in her life._

 _She never knew if he had heard her – because Shaun had exhaled his last breath, and he was gone._

* * *

 **Author's note!**

 **So, I finally did it. Posted something. Three cheers for me!** **I wrote this a night or two after I finished the main story line for Fallout - when I was _supposed_ to be studying for my Chemistry, actually. I was surprised when it didn't turn out _too bad._** **I seem to write a lot of depressing things, so this idea seemed right up my alley. My original idea was to have it as an ongoing story. I'm still undecided, but I think it's probably better as a one shot...**

 **Thanks to anyone who used their precious time to read this, and if you don't mind wasting a bit more of your time, can you kindly leave a review? Criticism is welcome as long as it's constructive! And if you think I should make this an ongoing story, please say!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Fallout 4, nor do I claim to - that honor belongs to Bethesda! If I did own the game, Shaun would have lived and everyone in Fallout 4 would have gotten their happy ending.**

 **Thanks again! :-) B-)**


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